The difference of death.

In the last 2 months I have lost a grandma (August 28) and a friend Gabe (October 13). Over the last week or 2 I have been thinking of the difference of death. With my grandma who was 89 I felt sadness but in a strange way relief. Now follow me for a minute, my grandma I knew had a good long life, how many of us will live that long, and had a short stint in the hospital and wasn't going to be able to go back to living the normal life that she was use to. She had told me on mulitple occassions that she didn't want to live that way (she had lung cancer) and that she was ready to go. I had been lucky enough to spend her last week with her and expressed my love and memories that I shared with her. I knew when I got the news that she had passed that she had gotten what she wanted. Alot of times this is the overall feeling when an elderly person dies. It was their time and they had many years of happiness under their belts. We know that when someone gets up in years that time is short and we should make everytime we spend with them a good time and that we should always express our love.
Why don't we do this with everyone we know? Why do we wait till someone gets old or sick to let them know that we love them and share our favorite memories with them? I have thought about the things I wish I could have told Gabe everyday (now that I can't tell him). Now don't get me wrong I'm not trying to pose as one of Gabe's best friends, but he was a friend and a great friend. Why didn't I tell him when I saw at The Korner getting gas that he always makes me smile. That even just to see his rosey red cheeks and that shit-eatin grin brought a smirk to my face. Why didn't I remind him of the time I helped him dye his hair in high school ( he wanted it blond, don't ask me why) and when we did it, it turned a vibrant shade of orange, when I took him home Darla was soo mad and when he came to school the next day he was hairless? Why didn't I hug him and tell him that over the last 20 years or so he has been one of the funniest and loveable people I have ever known? Why can I still picture him singing Karoke at Jimanetti's to everyones favorite "I Like Big Butts", I laughed for so long and so hard that I got the hicups and came so close to peeing my pants. The images are in my head, not a day goes by that Gabe doesn't cross my mind at least for a second.
But why, why do I have to say these things in blog? Why didn't I say them weeks, months, years ago? Why when I think about the death of my friend who was so young, so full of life, just starting the best years of his life does it make me so angry that I have to say these things in blog. Why is it not like when my grandma died that I had the chance to tell her things, that I felt like she had lived a good long life? Why do we wait till people are old? Why is there a difference in death depending on their age? Besides the obvious ones, that they were to young to die or had so much ahead of them. We are the only ones that can make it so there is not a difference. Tell people that you love, that you love them. Share your favorite memories with people that are in them. If we all walked around hugging each other and professing our feeling for one another the world would be a better place and we would all have less regrets if a tragedy does happen. So to you my few readiers her our my feelings and memories about you.
Amy Roe- You are the sister I never had, without you and your wonderful family I couldn't have gotten through some of my rougher times. You are truly my best friend. You always listen to me bitching, laugh at me stupid comments and offer advise and a shoulder at all times. The memories that I have with you are to many to share here but someday soon. I Love You
Jay Roe- You are a great man, great friend and the closet thing to a brother I ever had. You are not only a friend to me but friend of Jesse's and I remember the time when I first started seeing Jesse that you were so pretective of me just like a big brother would be and I am thankful for that. I Love You.
Mom- All I can say is thank you to both you and Jeff there are not enough words, so thank you and I love you.
Jesse- I tell you everyday how I feel about you, but here it is again. I LOVE YOU, you are my best friend and I plan to grow old and crazy with you.
Amy Toler- I live in your backyard nd hardly ever see you, but when I get to see you and Rees I always smile. The little guy brightens my day and it is amazing to see him grow. You're a great person, you should come into your backyard and visit more often.
Jamie Hudson- When I watch a home Ohio State game on tv and see our old home away from home I think of you and some of the greatest times ever. Hope all is well with your family.
Nate Stanley- I have memories with you that go back to when we were little dorky kids in the back of a truck going coon hunting. You've turned into a good man and I know a good friend to Gabe. Take those great memories that you shared with him and cherish them, remember them, laugh with them.

To everyone else if you have ever been a part of my life thank you, thank you for spending a minute of your day with me. I hope that you all have been moved to share your thoughts, your feelings, your memories with someone anyone that has meant something to you. Hug a friend, give them a call, write on their wall just tell them how you feel.