In the last 2 months I have lost a grandma (August 28) and a friend Gabe (October 13). Over the last week or 2 I have been thinking of the difference of death. With my grandma who was 89 I felt sadness but in a strange way relief. Now follow me for a minute, my grandma I knew had a good long life, how many of us will live that long, and had a short stint in the hospital and wasn't going to be able to go back to living the normal life that she was use to. She had told me on mulitple occassions that she didn't want to live that way (she had lung cancer) and that she was ready to go. I had been lucky enough to spend her last week with her and expressed my love and memories that I shared with her. I knew when I got the news that she had passed that she had gotten what she wanted. Alot of times this is the overall feeling when an elderly person dies. It was their time and they had many years of happiness under their belts. We know that when someone gets up in years that time is short and we should make everytime we spend with them a good time and that we should always express our love.
Why don't we do this with everyone we know? Why do we wait till someone gets old or sick to let them know that we love them and share our favorite memories with them? I have thought about the things I wish I could have told Gabe everyday (now that I can't tell him). Now don't get me wrong I'm not trying to pose as one of Gabe's best friends, but he was a friend and a great friend. Why didn't I tell him when I saw at The Korner getting gas that he always makes me smile. That even just to see his rosey red cheeks and that shit-eatin grin brought a smirk to my face. Why didn't I remind him of the time I helped him dye his hair in high school ( he wanted it blond, don't ask me why) and when we did it, it turned a vibrant shade of orange, when I took him home Darla was soo mad and when he came to school the next day he was hairless? Why didn't I hug him and tell him that over the last 20 years or so he has been one of the funniest and loveable people I have ever known? Why can I still picture him singing Karoke at Jimanetti's to everyones favorite "I Like Big Butts", I laughed for so long and so hard that I got the hicups and came so close to peeing my pants. The images are in my head, not a day goes by that Gabe doesn't cross my mind at least for a second.
But why, why do I have to say these things in blog? Why didn't I say them weeks, months, years ago? Why when I think about the death of my friend who was so young, so full of life, just starting the best years of his life does it make me so angry that I have to say these things in blog. Why is it not like when my grandma died that I had the chance to tell her things, that I felt like she had lived a good long life? Why do we wait till people are old? Why is there a difference in death depending on their age? Besides the obvious ones, that they were to young to die or had so much ahead of them. We are the only ones that can make it so there is not a difference. Tell people that you love, that you love them. Share your favorite memories with people that are in them. If we all walked around hugging each other and professing our feeling for one another the world would be a better place and we would all have less regrets if a tragedy does happen. So to you my few readiers her our my feelings and memories about you.
Amy Roe- You are the sister I never had, without you and your wonderful family I couldn't have gotten through some of my rougher times. You are truly my best friend. You always listen to me bitching, laugh at me stupid comments and offer advise and a shoulder at all times. The memories that I have with you are to many to share here but someday soon. I Love You
Jay Roe- You are a great man, great friend and the closet thing to a brother I ever had. You are not only a friend to me but friend of Jesse's and I remember the time when I first started seeing Jesse that you were so pretective of me just like a big brother would be and I am thankful for that. I Love You.
Mom- All I can say is thank you to both you and Jeff there are not enough words, so thank you and I love you.
Jesse- I tell you everyday how I feel about you, but here it is again. I LOVE YOU, you are my best friend and I plan to grow old and crazy with you.
Amy Toler- I live in your backyard nd hardly ever see you, but when I get to see you and Rees I always smile. The little guy brightens my day and it is amazing to see him grow. You're a great person, you should come into your backyard and visit more often.
Jamie Hudson- When I watch a home Ohio State game on tv and see our old home away from home I think of you and some of the greatest times ever. Hope all is well with your family.
Nate Stanley- I have memories with you that go back to when we were little dorky kids in the back of a truck going coon hunting. You've turned into a good man and I know a good friend to Gabe. Take those great memories that you shared with him and cherish them, remember them, laugh with them.
To everyone else if you have ever been a part of my life thank you, thank you for spending a minute of your day with me. I hope that you all have been moved to share your thoughts, your feelings, your memories with someone anyone that has meant something to you. Hug a friend, give them a call, write on their wall just tell them how you feel.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Cleaning???
You know sometimes you get a wild hair and think I'm gonna clean out the closet or drawers whatever. Then half way through you look around see the total diaster you have created and realize that you don't really feel like cleaning anymore. But somehow you finish look at all your hard work and swear to never let it get messy again knowing in the back of your mind that after a couple of weeks maybe a month you will start to throw stuff in randomly and use it as a catch all once again. Well this wild hair came to me at work today so I decided to clean my office. Now I feel like I work in a 365 day yard sale because of all the broken junk I get to deal with so cleaning sometimes is not easy but I can't stand the disorganization and clutter. So I drafted a helper (thank God for her) and set out to make my office a homey, cozy little nook that I may enjoying spending half my life in. Right on schedule half way through I look around to discover that I have created twice as much work for myself than I had when it was messy. Where to put stuff? Should I throw that away? We might need that someday ( though it's been there for a year and we have never used it). You know all the same stuff you go through when cleaning out the closet. I left work today feeling somewhat defeated knowing that I didn't get everything done and that I was now behind on my everyday duties. Great that will make for a "wonderful" day tomorrow. But I wonder why do we do this whether it back at work or at home? Why are we such horders? Why do we go through all the hard work to clean and then let it get messy again? Is there some trigger in our brains that flip making us forget the effort that we just put forth to completely renovate a space?
But one of the more amazing things is that when you start one of the projects the amount of people that actually stop and say "What are you doing?" Why do people have to ask questions that they already know the answer to? That would be like me asking someone I work with "Why are you wearing khakis and a blue shirt?" (Maybe because it's dresscode) So why would I ask that question? I don't know how many times I have to say this but if people would take 2 seconds to think before they talk we would all save a few breaths and we wouldn't get so many stupid looks or stupid answers from people. If everybody is so worried about the earth and our ozone layer then stop asking stupid questions. I don't have the exact numbers (really not sure if it's even been researched, but it should be) but I'm sure it couldn't hurt.
But one of the more amazing things is that when you start one of the projects the amount of people that actually stop and say "What are you doing?" Why do people have to ask questions that they already know the answer to? That would be like me asking someone I work with "Why are you wearing khakis and a blue shirt?" (Maybe because it's dresscode) So why would I ask that question? I don't know how many times I have to say this but if people would take 2 seconds to think before they talk we would all save a few breaths and we wouldn't get so many stupid looks or stupid answers from people. If everybody is so worried about the earth and our ozone layer then stop asking stupid questions. I don't have the exact numbers (really not sure if it's even been researched, but it should be) but I'm sure it couldn't hurt.
Monday, August 17, 2009
What makes us happy
We all know what happiness is and what it feels like to be happy but have you ever stopped to think about the things that make you feel that way. While my husband is golfing (something that makes him happy) I sat on the front porch with Brutus (my dog) and thought about what makes me happy and if anyone else ever stops to think about what does the same for them. Of course there are some obvious things that overlap with most people but somethings are unique to us all.
Happiness can come in all shapes, sizes and colors or maybe in no form at all. The love of good friends and family comes at the top of my list. To be able to pick up the phone and have an hour long conversation about nothing and everything at the same time with someone that will listen to your bitch session and take your side no matter if they truely agree or not. To have parents who sometimes overstep their boundries into your life but do it only because they care and want the very best for you. To open the front door after a long day of work to a four legged friend who is always happy to see you and never complains about hearing about your day at work. A bowl of your favorite ice cream that with every bite takes you back to your childhood and floods you with memories that can never be taken away. Those pajama pants that you had for years but everytime you put them on the fit no matter if you've put on or taken 10 pounds. A husband that even when you're not around says nice things about you without thinking twice and meaning every word, then those things getting back to you and remembering why you married him in the first place. The smile of a child, watching them grow and seeing them become a new person everyday. Knowing that when you pull in their driveway or when they see you on the porch that they are excited to see you and don't have to be cause they're not yours but they still just steal your heart with every smile, hug and kiss. Friends that in bad times are right by your side but the rest of the time can piss you off at the drop of a hat. A favorite movie on tv that you've seen 20 times but you still have to watch it when it's on. Waking up in the morning and not wanting to get out of bed because your husband is still in it and just five more minutes of listening to him snore is all you really want. Seeing great friends even if you just saw them yesterday and the day before that, knowing that they are just as happy to see you. Being alive and healthy another day, maybe not rich, maybe not famous, maybe not even that important but to a handful of people but alive.
These may all seem like random things and alot of time I take them for granted but they make me happy, no matter how big or small they are they keep me going and make me, me. Take a few minutes to think about what makes you happy and thank that person or cherish that ice cream and the memories it brings back. The smallest things in life make up the biggest part of you.
Happiness can come in all shapes, sizes and colors or maybe in no form at all. The love of good friends and family comes at the top of my list. To be able to pick up the phone and have an hour long conversation about nothing and everything at the same time with someone that will listen to your bitch session and take your side no matter if they truely agree or not. To have parents who sometimes overstep their boundries into your life but do it only because they care and want the very best for you. To open the front door after a long day of work to a four legged friend who is always happy to see you and never complains about hearing about your day at work. A bowl of your favorite ice cream that with every bite takes you back to your childhood and floods you with memories that can never be taken away. Those pajama pants that you had for years but everytime you put them on the fit no matter if you've put on or taken 10 pounds. A husband that even when you're not around says nice things about you without thinking twice and meaning every word, then those things getting back to you and remembering why you married him in the first place. The smile of a child, watching them grow and seeing them become a new person everyday. Knowing that when you pull in their driveway or when they see you on the porch that they are excited to see you and don't have to be cause they're not yours but they still just steal your heart with every smile, hug and kiss. Friends that in bad times are right by your side but the rest of the time can piss you off at the drop of a hat. A favorite movie on tv that you've seen 20 times but you still have to watch it when it's on. Waking up in the morning and not wanting to get out of bed because your husband is still in it and just five more minutes of listening to him snore is all you really want. Seeing great friends even if you just saw them yesterday and the day before that, knowing that they are just as happy to see you. Being alive and healthy another day, maybe not rich, maybe not famous, maybe not even that important but to a handful of people but alive.
These may all seem like random things and alot of time I take them for granted but they make me happy, no matter how big or small they are they keep me going and make me, me. Take a few minutes to think about what makes you happy and thank that person or cherish that ice cream and the memories it brings back. The smallest things in life make up the biggest part of you.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
The point of marriage
I heard in a movie once that "Being married is being yourself only with someone else". I have come to realize how true that is. I look at my marriage with Jesse (though only 10 months old) and realize how lucky I am. I wonder how many other people would be in a relationship with a "weirdo" like me. I am always dancing around the house with a variety of styles ranging from river dance, to tap, to square dancing, to country line dancing to Jesse's favorite hip hop. None of these am I trained in, but do feel like I have mastered enough to perform them regularly in the kitchen, livingroom, bedroom and on occassion the front porch (my poor neighbors, thank God they are friends). But instead telling me I look stupid or to stop because I'm acting foolish my wonderful husband joins in with some "specialized" moves of his own.
When we are not dancing there is the singing, we love to make up songs using ever tune known to man about topics that most people would never know a song could be created about. I claim that we should be song writers for people like Weird Al ( anyone younger than probably 25 will have no clue who I'm talking about).
In these "special"moments most guys would have turn around and run away or tried to have me commited. But after waiting alomst 30 years I found someone who takes me for me and loves the strangest things about me. Which I'm not sure if that means that he's "special" too or if that just makes me special to him. I wonder when I look at other married or commited couples how many of them have a "married personality" and a "rest of the time personality". That would be miserable for me so thank God I'm just me and someone loves that.
I learned many years ago, way before I heard that quote from a movie that I should never change myself for anyone and that I was speical enough being me that the right person would come along to love just that. Some people had to try many times to find the proper equation, and I looked around for awhile, you could say I rented a few husbands before I found the make, model and year that I was looking for and wanted to buy. I took out the lifetime warranty and the no refund policy is what I hope to follow.
I'm not saying that my marriage is perfect (we all know my husband has flaws, just kidding honey I can from the scratch and dent warehouse myself) but even with the flaws we have we took each other for us, not hoping that we would become someone else. I say to all married, commited or thinking about becoming one of these couples take a good look. Can you be you, in smart and in stupid, in cranky and in delight, in skinny and in fat, can you just be you and your partener love you just as much. Can you dance the electric slide to Hang on Sloopy on your front porch were anyone can see you and they join in instead of bow their head and run inside.
When we are not dancing there is the singing, we love to make up songs using ever tune known to man about topics that most people would never know a song could be created about. I claim that we should be song writers for people like Weird Al ( anyone younger than probably 25 will have no clue who I'm talking about).
In these "special"moments most guys would have turn around and run away or tried to have me commited. But after waiting alomst 30 years I found someone who takes me for me and loves the strangest things about me. Which I'm not sure if that means that he's "special" too or if that just makes me special to him. I wonder when I look at other married or commited couples how many of them have a "married personality" and a "rest of the time personality". That would be miserable for me so thank God I'm just me and someone loves that.
I learned many years ago, way before I heard that quote from a movie that I should never change myself for anyone and that I was speical enough being me that the right person would come along to love just that. Some people had to try many times to find the proper equation, and I looked around for awhile, you could say I rented a few husbands before I found the make, model and year that I was looking for and wanted to buy. I took out the lifetime warranty and the no refund policy is what I hope to follow.
I'm not saying that my marriage is perfect (we all know my husband has flaws, just kidding honey I can from the scratch and dent warehouse myself) but even with the flaws we have we took each other for us, not hoping that we would become someone else. I say to all married, commited or thinking about becoming one of these couples take a good look. Can you be you, in smart and in stupid, in cranky and in delight, in skinny and in fat, can you just be you and your partener love you just as much. Can you dance the electric slide to Hang on Sloopy on your front porch were anyone can see you and they join in instead of bow their head and run inside.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
I know it's been awhile
Ok so I know it's been awhile since I blogged last but now that my husband is in the blogging business I thought I'd start up again.
I went today with three great friends to go shopping in the big town of Columbus. I have to wonder why I put myself in these situations sometimes. I work retail and know better to go anywhere where there are people on my day off. I find myself enraged at people no matter their economic status. It amazes me how rude people can be. They act as though they are the only people in the world. Then from the mouth of those same people or people similar to them how rude young people are today. Well no wonder they follow their role models. Would it hurt someone to say excuse me, or I'm sorry for running over your toes with my huge cart loaded down with craft items? These people are business people, that depend on us (the everyday person to keep their lively hood alive and they have no respect for the other individuals they come in contact with. I was raised to treat others the way I want to be treated, say I'm sorry, excuse me, please and thank you. My mother taught me these things along with telling people who are direspectful were to go and get the hell out of the way. My mom taught me in which situations to say which things. But as I looked around today at the people who were running over my toes and knocking me over with their trashcans I thought these people are of the age to be my parents and they are more disrespectful than I ever thought of being. Remember when pointing fingers at the younger generations for all their "faults" remember there are 4 more fingers pointing back at you.
Wow now that is off my cheast things in our house have been pretty smooth sailing for awhile. No overflowing toilets or open freezer doors though I did have a dream that my husband left the door open again and that our wedding cake was ruined. Just a dream thank God. Besides that calm has filled our house for now though I have always believed in the calm before the storm, when it rains it pours so I have my umbrella ready.
I know I have been a blogger slacker but I will do better this go round. See you all in the world of the blog.
I went today with three great friends to go shopping in the big town of Columbus. I have to wonder why I put myself in these situations sometimes. I work retail and know better to go anywhere where there are people on my day off. I find myself enraged at people no matter their economic status. It amazes me how rude people can be. They act as though they are the only people in the world. Then from the mouth of those same people or people similar to them how rude young people are today. Well no wonder they follow their role models. Would it hurt someone to say excuse me, or I'm sorry for running over your toes with my huge cart loaded down with craft items? These people are business people, that depend on us (the everyday person to keep their lively hood alive and they have no respect for the other individuals they come in contact with. I was raised to treat others the way I want to be treated, say I'm sorry, excuse me, please and thank you. My mother taught me these things along with telling people who are direspectful were to go and get the hell out of the way. My mom taught me in which situations to say which things. But as I looked around today at the people who were running over my toes and knocking me over with their trashcans I thought these people are of the age to be my parents and they are more disrespectful than I ever thought of being. Remember when pointing fingers at the younger generations for all their "faults" remember there are 4 more fingers pointing back at you.
Wow now that is off my cheast things in our house have been pretty smooth sailing for awhile. No overflowing toilets or open freezer doors though I did have a dream that my husband left the door open again and that our wedding cake was ruined. Just a dream thank God. Besides that calm has filled our house for now though I have always believed in the calm before the storm, when it rains it pours so I have my umbrella ready.
I know I have been a blogger slacker but I will do better this go round. See you all in the world of the blog.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
First Day's Back To Work
Has anyone ever wondered what happens at your job during your two days off? It seems like when I leave to go home the place is clean and everything is well under control. I walk in today and realized that I had missed the news update that a small tornado had passed through my work area and left behind an area that should have been surrounded by caution tape. I am almost 100% sure that there are small elves or trolls (something) that comes out when I'm off and overtakes my office. Oh well 2 hard days off work will get it back to normal then we are back to square one after my long weekend for the 4th.
Highlight of my day was when I came home today to find out that my husband was going to cook us dinner!!! This is a new thing for him and he is catching on quickly. He made porkchops on the grill, homemade mash potatoes, and a spanish rice (from a package) it was all really good. We still need to work on the ratio of starches per meal but we'll get there. Now if I could get him to do the dishes too. Ha ha. I really can't complain he does help out with laundry, mowing the grass, the trash oh and the litter box. Just alittle tip for those of you with cats, if you have not had children yet you can con your husband into cleaning the litter box by informing him that when you become pregnant with his love child that you won't be able to do it for the whole nine months so he can start now and be well in practice. It worked for me!!
I work for a major retailer who will remain nameless (those of you who know me know where but everyone else can speculate). On a daily basis I deal with stupid people, whether it be people I work with or customers in the store. Everyday I get asked some of the weirdest or sometimes stupidest questions. Like this "Do you work here?" Well let's see I have on the standard uniform and Oh let's see a name tag with my name and the name of the company. I really feel like saying "No I'm just testing this out for my next Halloween costume, how's it work?" Come on people, think before you speak and you won't get stupid looks or stupid answers.
From my front window I have a good view of the neighbors backyard (good thing they are friends) I enjoy on a daily basis seeing their one year old completeing new tasks everyday. It always makes me smile and keeps my outlook on children a positive one. Today I got to watch him become a gardener helping his mom pick what appeared to be cucumbers. He also carried the watering can(without water) then he took on the role of supervisor. He is so cute and it's nice to see him grow. It's things like this that bring a smile to your face, even after dealing with stupid people at work. I was not the only one who noticed the little guy helping mom, Brutus (the dog) spotted him after a few minutes and went crazy thinking everyone should notice him and does everything to make sure that happens. He stared out the front door until they were out of site and then alitttle longer to make sure they weren't coming back and then he went back to his normal spot on the floor for another nap.
I know my thoughts are random and sometimes boring to others but a friend told me this was a great way to vent so that's what I'm doing. Hope I didn't lose anyone in the mix.
Highlight of my day was when I came home today to find out that my husband was going to cook us dinner!!! This is a new thing for him and he is catching on quickly. He made porkchops on the grill, homemade mash potatoes, and a spanish rice (from a package) it was all really good. We still need to work on the ratio of starches per meal but we'll get there. Now if I could get him to do the dishes too. Ha ha. I really can't complain he does help out with laundry, mowing the grass, the trash oh and the litter box. Just alittle tip for those of you with cats, if you have not had children yet you can con your husband into cleaning the litter box by informing him that when you become pregnant with his love child that you won't be able to do it for the whole nine months so he can start now and be well in practice. It worked for me!!
I work for a major retailer who will remain nameless (those of you who know me know where but everyone else can speculate). On a daily basis I deal with stupid people, whether it be people I work with or customers in the store. Everyday I get asked some of the weirdest or sometimes stupidest questions. Like this "Do you work here?" Well let's see I have on the standard uniform and Oh let's see a name tag with my name and the name of the company. I really feel like saying "No I'm just testing this out for my next Halloween costume, how's it work?" Come on people, think before you speak and you won't get stupid looks or stupid answers.
From my front window I have a good view of the neighbors backyard (good thing they are friends) I enjoy on a daily basis seeing their one year old completeing new tasks everyday. It always makes me smile and keeps my outlook on children a positive one. Today I got to watch him become a gardener helping his mom pick what appeared to be cucumbers. He also carried the watering can(without water) then he took on the role of supervisor. He is so cute and it's nice to see him grow. It's things like this that bring a smile to your face, even after dealing with stupid people at work. I was not the only one who noticed the little guy helping mom, Brutus (the dog) spotted him after a few minutes and went crazy thinking everyone should notice him and does everything to make sure that happens. He stared out the front door until they were out of site and then alitttle longer to make sure they weren't coming back and then he went back to his normal spot on the floor for another nap.
I know my thoughts are random and sometimes boring to others but a friend told me this was a great way to vent so that's what I'm doing. Hope I didn't lose anyone in the mix.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Well today another day home without my husband and of course I go back to work tomorrow and he is off. Oh well, at least we have our evenings together.
Since my last blog alittle over 24 hours ago we have multiple household tragedies. Somehow our big standing freezer door was left cracked open and when I got up I found water all over the floor and fudge bars melted all over the freezer. No one to blame neither one of us remembers getting in it so oh well. No reason to cry over melted fudge bar. Then my wonderful husband who at times is so proud of his bathroom "works of art" let me know that he overflowed the toliet. As I walked into the bathroom I see water running over the floor making it's way into the laundry room. After digging for the old towels the ones that I have now put in the trash and gagging from the smell ( I Love You Honey) the situation became under control. This would be the times in a marriage that you have to find the calmness inside of you so that you don't explode on the one who may have assisted in the chaos and realized that it can all be fixed and no one got hurt.
Now for some proud parent gloating.( Remember our kids are our pets for now) We went down to the Toler's for a fun dinner and evening on the porch with them and the Roe's. We deceided to be brave enough to let Brutus the 88lb Chocolate Lab come dowm and visit. We were nervous because there were 3 kids under 6 and Brutus is only 2, which means there is alot of puppy left in him. He had never really been around kids before so I was preparing for the worst (kids pinned to the ground getting licked to death by a friendly and unaware of how big he is dog). But to everyones surprise Brutus was as good as gold. After getting over the excitement of the new surroundings he pretty much relaxed and just chilled out. This is a proud moment for a parent realizing that their child can now be excepted by the general public. I may not be able to brag that my child used the potty, or spoke his first word but I can say that everyone left without bandaids maybe just alittle slobber. We are proud parents. Our little boy is growing up.
Since my last blog alittle over 24 hours ago we have multiple household tragedies. Somehow our big standing freezer door was left cracked open and when I got up I found water all over the floor and fudge bars melted all over the freezer. No one to blame neither one of us remembers getting in it so oh well. No reason to cry over melted fudge bar. Then my wonderful husband who at times is so proud of his bathroom "works of art" let me know that he overflowed the toliet. As I walked into the bathroom I see water running over the floor making it's way into the laundry room. After digging for the old towels the ones that I have now put in the trash and gagging from the smell ( I Love You Honey) the situation became under control. This would be the times in a marriage that you have to find the calmness inside of you so that you don't explode on the one who may have assisted in the chaos and realized that it can all be fixed and no one got hurt.
Now for some proud parent gloating.( Remember our kids are our pets for now) We went down to the Toler's for a fun dinner and evening on the porch with them and the Roe's. We deceided to be brave enough to let Brutus the 88lb Chocolate Lab come dowm and visit. We were nervous because there were 3 kids under 6 and Brutus is only 2, which means there is alot of puppy left in him. He had never really been around kids before so I was preparing for the worst (kids pinned to the ground getting licked to death by a friendly and unaware of how big he is dog). But to everyones surprise Brutus was as good as gold. After getting over the excitement of the new surroundings he pretty much relaxed and just chilled out. This is a proud moment for a parent realizing that their child can now be excepted by the general public. I may not be able to brag that my child used the potty, or spoke his first word but I can say that everyone left without bandaids maybe just alittle slobber. We are proud parents. Our little boy is growing up.
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